Stephen

'Popular' South American combo Grupo Sambastar once sang songs about Fabio Rochemback's legendary abilities at Sporting Lisbon, however on Teesside all he has managed to do is nack the South Stand scoreboard with one of his famous shit free kicks (Probably).

Then, in a blinding flash, all of Rocky's detracters were denounced when a choir of angels descended on one of Southgate's "Let's Play With A Penny Floater from Redcar Amusements" training sessions. Some believed that this was the coming of the new apocolypse, but captain Boateng merely states that they had paid their five quid to do the tour of Rockliffe Park, which is a good afternoon's entertainment. Take the kids. And Grandad. So with this, religous prophets of doom were immediately silenced. The Angel Gabriel merely commented "Carambal,that Rocky he will take his place amount the greats in the Kingdom of heaven, alongside Brian Clough and George Best. Who is now off the sauce."

In other news, Duffman goes for a new showboating record at St James' and lil' Scotty Parker says these new keepy up kids have got no soul. He will probably appear on Newsround Extra showing his famous skills. Or whatever shit on telly those kids watch. You never know, he might have won on Boxing Day when we had that indoor one. Right lads?

I'll shut up now.

Erm Chelsea?.. Oh yeah, well I think we'll go out tomorrow and play a game of football. Well, I say 'we', but the chairman has given me this job where I pratt around wearing my white suit, so I don't have to play now. Apparently I also have to talk to new players, and discuss tactics. Shame he won't REALLY let me do that... Oops. If he asks I didn't tell you!

(Doesn't he look miserable in this shot?)

If you didn't care for Mclaren, lets face it...

 (He doesn't suit black. The frigging suit is always white)

You're going to fucking hate Southgate!
Enjoy the fairy tale while it lasts.

Seeing as no bugger showed up to my bastard charity match, I thought I'd let you know my ideas for a new Jam and Bread City: A Cannibal Utopia.

You see I've been reading this book, me and I've learned that pigs and that were like Hitler and that. And all of the git posh people can be used for food. Except they taste of testosterone. But they do have human souls, so you know, it might just be a good idea. Like when they used to eat people's hearts in New Guinea. And in The X Files, once. We'll get their strength and skill. I'll tell David Parnaby. We can all eat young Wheater.

Yeah, and we could all fly around on rocket bikes and that. Bruce Rioch could be the mayor. He'll make you wear shorts in the middle of winter like.

(Stephen- God if he reads this off Google...)

Aye so I think we'll start with Sedgefield. Sod that big eared bloke and Gordon Brown and the Law of the Hun. We don't need none of that. Me dad was down the pit... erm I mean worked at the ICI. Bloody Shearer's testimmonial: I AM BITTER! I've still got all me own fucking hair...

No sorry, I've just had an eventful day. Emotional and that. Thanks for singing 'Super Cooper' and buying the programs. I'll just see you around. Gareth. I'll get me coat mate. I'll see you on Monday. Like the suit. Oh and Viduka's been on the pies again. I caught him in the locker room. And at half time with a Greggs steak bake and a sausage roll. And a cake. Yeah, I'm a grass. Why should I be the only one unhappy, eh? EH?!! I'll see you....

Well done to the lad up the back on the Darlo Middlesbrough friendly. He shouted all of the way through and then the coppers had to sit next to him after the Miserable Bastard of a steward told him to shut up. Tsk. Don't Darlington understand the concept of fandom.

Meanwhile, big shout to Malcolm Christie: He's here, he's there, he's made of f**king glass. He lasted th ewhole 90 minutes without breaking his legs.

Bless.

Well I just worked out that it would be 1985 by now!... At the moment I watch the newer eps on Bravo when I come in from college (want Sky+. Like T-Vo) and then the classic eps when I get home from work. It must be like M*A*S*H* where the Korean war lasted a fraction of the series... unless each series counts for less that one year.

Go on look at him! The smarmy bastard! You just want to smack him! His tactics are shit! If this is crap this afternoon I won't... erm watch Match of the Day. Ginger Get! Mclaren for England!

Yes I have just rewatched the game where Boro beat Chelsea on Sky and My God, How? 3-0? It was a good game though, and seeing those cockney gets go home with nowt was fantastic! Also, as the season ticket is still technically the other fella's, I had to sit in a different seat today, and it was more like the Gallowgate end, as I was further up... away from the fucking kids and pensioners! Oh and Newcastle won 2-1 at Villa... waiting for that to come on...

Oh by the way Bobby Robson was also present somewhere in the west stands wearing what appeared to be a Newcastle scarf... Good lad!

It's my first day of cheating on wor Toon! Kickoff at Anfield: 3:00pm. I will be... in the stands at The Riverside... Watching Boro. THIS IS WRONG PEOPLE!

Apart from the Boxing Day, or as Ben Folds called it the day after Christmas, is pretty dull. Will I go out and get frickin' wasted? Probably! Actually no because my stomach is a bit off.

Well it sure was different watching Doctor Who instead of Only Fools And Horses or something like that, but I enjoyed it. By the way, yes I do realise that wearing his dressing gown is a bit Arthur Dent (Hitchikers Guide). I just didn't until it was in the script. Oh well. Terribly spotted.

See ya!