Stephen

 Oh yes, Susannah Reid, I dunno what it is, whether it's the sanctimonious laugh, the stuck up attitude or the way you have such great 'camaraderie' with the other presenters, but you are one "sexy" lady.

 Oh yes.... bleurgh!! This time I've gone too far...

As of today, we are through the looking glass... Mere seconds ago, during the Tottenham-Fulham F.A. Cup 5th Round game I saw an advert for Hi Tec Trainers saying merely: "Enjoy our shoes."

                            

They were shite. Jack Bauer wouldn't stand for this crap... Hang on. Nope never seen it.

  The name of the actress is Siobhan Hayes, and she is so shit I couldn't even get a decent picture of her. But you saw her pants in one episode and the label on her knickers in another. Also, she has blonde hair and looks thick as fuck, so that is reason enough for my hormones to kick in. Shame she was the first off Strictly Come Dancing. She could have gone scantily clad.

Whaddya you think Dirk?

 Dirk: You're tripping kid. She's a dawg. Here, have some Hummous. And chickpeas. Like Monster munch but nutritious.

Me: You were my childhood hero! NOOOO! Why are you so dull?

 Siobhan:  Wow, to think, me in an interview with Dirk Benedict! Front row! No more crappy parts on The Bill now.

 Richard Hatch: Apparently I got off with the Tax Fraud and am still in that remake on Sky One. That's on Tuesday nights (another thousand bucks for the IRS). God I'm handsome. Come on Stephen, back in the hot tub!

 Mr T: Wait for me fool!

    V       

Me: Ok Dirk it's me. Mr Cross. Do the lights in the house give you headaches? And how come no one has a wank or owt?

Dirk: Yeah baby. God that Shilpa's on fucking sexy Lady. i love diversity.

Me: Why do you smoke cigars and eat health food? That's fucking stupid.

Dirk: Erm... Actually I'm boring in real life. And live in Montana and am cruel to hamsters.

Me: Oh well fuck off then. Apollo was better than you and B.A. and Hannibal AND Murdoch were better in the A Team.

Dirk: Yeah. I agree. Bye bye.

Hey you son of a bitch, it's Coy and Vance Duke here, and we would just like to say we are the best Duke boys and had a cartoon and everything. When Bo and Puke went off to the NASCAR circuit to fulfill their lifelong dream, we came in and made 18 crap episodes you don't remember. Well Fuck You cos we were ok and had action figures and everything.

Erm and we weren't just the same but shit. We got our shirts off in the first episode, and Daisy DID NOT look too old at this point. Bye. You don't have an action figure, unless you are that faggot David Tennant. Or David Clak. Shine on you crazy diamond. And stop drinking before your innards stop being so ironclast enough to eat a full thaal with the pickles and mushroom rice.

Yes I'm back. Let's not mention my absence any further.

Yes it's just wrong. Baps like that on Catherine fucking Tate. My dreams are very frightening. I mean, the woman is 38 years old, has the worst TV show ever. Well maybe not. I dunno I don't watch it.

Erm now what. Is Nolan dead yet? Oh yeah been there, done that, it was rubbish. Ban all anti semitism or however you spell it. Speel it. See what I did? Guffaw.

See you soon (let's get this to the top of Google when I am sued for slander by the BBC.

Maybe I'll post tomorrow. Six months. Yes that will be good.

Back from the land of eyestrain it's me. Your old pal!

Well I am on my final placement and have found a job and fuck yeah! That's it! New posts soon but it's Saturday. Go out and get drunk you bastards.